Commencement: Not Just for Seniors

Yesterday was the last day of school for my high school students and tonight my first class of seniors will be graduating. It seems like the past couple of weeks have been spent with me telling tales of trials and triumphs from my college days to prepare them for what they will encounter and what opportunities are waiting for them and instilling any words of wisdom, advice, and hope that I can into their minds before they leave the protective walls of my classroom. I've got big dreams planted into each and every one of those kids and I want them to live so that they can dream dreams of their own and see them come to reality. I want them to change the world.

Graduation ceremonies are designed to voice those same thoughts. And I always think to myself, what would I say to a group of teenagers about to set out in the world on their own? Would I tell them practical things, like "don't wash colors with whites with hot water", or would I tell them cliche but important things, like "always work hard and you'll achieve your goals", or would I take another route? Think of all the things that a person has to learn to survive in this world! And then yesterday as I was telling a student that the only limits she has would be the ones she put on herself, I realized that maybe my students aren't the only ones needing to pay attention to good advice right now. I think that maybe we all need to listen to those graduation speeches again. I think we all need a new sense of excitement and hope as we look to the future.

So today I am posting a few good parting thoughts for the school year. Look at them as if you're just starting out on a journey, because that's what we are all doing every day.


From Michael Jordan: "You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them."

From Charles Swindoll “We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.”

From Winston Churchill: "Now is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. It is, perhaps the end of the beginning."

From Yoda: "Do or do not. There is no try."

From Woody Allen: "Seventy percent of success in life is showing up."

From Edward Albee: "Sometimes it’s necessary to go a long distance out of the way in order to come back a short distance correctly."

From Brian Tracy: “Most people achieved their greatest success one step beyond what looked like their greatest failure.”

From Corita Kent: "Love the moment, and the energy of that moment will spread beyond all boundaries."

From R.E. Shay: "Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit."

From Richard L. Evans: "Everyone who got where he is had to begin with where he was.

From Charles Richter: "Don't wait for extraordinary circumstance to do good; try to use ordinary situations."

From Pope John XXIII: “Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do.”

From Edward Abbey "May all your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view......where something strange and more beautiful and more full of wonder than your deepest dreams waits for you."

and from Saint Theresa: "May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us."

Happy Graduation.

I have been watching the demolition of this building at the First Methodist Church in Abilene. It was a beautiful dark red brick building with gorgeous windows. From the outside it looked like a very sound building. So I was curious, why would they tear down such a great structure. After going to their web site, I found that it was actually the older part of the church and that there were some structural issues.

I started putting this into the context of life. Often we put on a fresh facade. On the outside, at least, we seem to be happy and healthy. So, people are surprised when we reveal that maybe everything is not ok. Maybe we don't actually have everything together after all. It is not surprising to us that there is "structural damage" but probably there are those who would be surprised by this discovery.

Fortunately, our structural damage can be repaired and God will help us do that if we ask. So unlike the building, there is no need for total destruction that can be hauled off in dump trucks. We are all so much more valuable than brick and mortar.

"God sees us as we can be, but loves us as we are." Anonymous

Someone Else's Shadow

You're on a second or third date and you're at a movie (people do still go to movies on dates, right?). You like this person and you're aware of the fact that it's a little sixth-grader-ish, but you're pretty thrilled at the thought of this person sitting right next to you. There's going to be a fourth date, you're sure of it. The two of you get along so well. You're thinking more about all of this than the movie and it's kinda fun, and then it happens. He (or she) reaches for your hand.

And then something else happens. Suddenly you don't want things to go farther than they are. You don't want to leave the theater because it might mean that he's going to make another move and what are you going to say if he does? Do you just let him act on his feelings and not tell him what's going through your mind? How far do you let it go? You feel like you're being ridiculous but you can't stop it, just the same. Maybe this was a bad idea. And just like that, you freeze, right there in the movie theater because someone just walked where someone else has been before and your mind is racing through flashback after flashback of that someone else and you're terrified without fully understanding why.

Dating is difficult and tricky in the first place, so what's a person to do when he/she gets up the courage to start dating again, but still feels shadows from someone behind?

In the past, I have often been in such a hurry to move on and forget bad experiences, that I also rushed through healing. While it's probably not healthy to dwell on the past, I believe that in order for God to make something good out of our pasts, we have to be willing to face the past in the first place. Now, when I am feeling overwhelmed with bad memories of someone, I try to let myself simply remember, for just a little while. I might remembered a date that I hadn't thought about since breaking up with someone. Then I might remember some things a significant other used to say. Then I remember something else. And then something else and with each startling memory, I will realize that each memory is uncomfortable and unsettling, but each one comes with its own resurrection, too. In a state of disbelief, courage, and prayer, sometimes I start trying to remember everything that I can about something I'd tried to block out before, as honestly as I can, just to bring memories to light and finally face them. I can work my mind and heart into exhaustion this way, but finally fall asleep without the fear of night. Sometimes just getting memories out of my system lets me wake up the next morning with joy. It is like finally being free from something I didn't even know was tying me down. Depending on the situation, telling someone I trust about a memory I had tried to keep secret helps too. Sharing our burdens means that the number of people to help us fight what we have gone through has just doubled. Maybe it's time for you to tell someone new about what happened in your past. You don't have to tell then every single detail, just what he needs to know. Tell him (and mean it) that sometimes simple things like a certain movie brings back memories for you that make you uncomfortable. Tell him that if he has questions, you'll answer them honestly, but for now you just want to let him know what is happening in your mind and that you are working through it. He can't fight a monster he can't see, and so maybe it is time to bring your past to light for the both of you. Easy? No. Necessary? Well, that depends on the kind of relationship you're in, I guess, but I think it is in a lot of cases.

Different people go through lots of different feelings for different lengths of time after being in a relationship that may have had a negative impact on them for one reason or another. Sometimes we feel guilty that anything negative happened at all. Sometimes we feel anger at the other person in the relationship, and maybe more often we can feel mad at ourselves for letting someone affect us the way they did or still do.

As I get older, I realize that everyone has an experience from years past that they would probably rather be left out of their personal history. We all have things we wish didn't happen, and shadows over certain parts of our lives that we wish weren't there. But it is important to remember that regardless of what or when an event happened or relationship ended, you didn't let it defeat you. Cherish the strength that God gives you to walk through and out of valleys. Look for the gifts or wisdom you now have because of what happened in your past. See God working with the shadows in your life to show His light. Learn to look at those shadows in a new way - they are not your past significant other's. They are not yours, either. If you are willing to hand them over, those shadows are God's.

"Be gracious to me God, be gracious to me, for I take refuge in You.

I will seek refuge in the shadow of Your wings until danger passes." - Psalm 57:1

And the Survey Says

On August 23rd I am responsible for a workshop for the Nothwest TX Conference of the United Methodist Church. I want this workshop to address the true needs of single adults amd how they can best me me t by the body of Christ. This isn't a denominational survey or limited in any way. If you are married and have questions you would like to have addressed that is great also. In order for this to not just be my opinion, I need your input.

I want to take a look at the differences and likenesses of the various types of single adults. I want all areas to be represented: never marrieds, divorcees, single parents both custodial and non-custodial, widows, single parents due to divorce and single parents due to death. I would also like to have all age groups represented from 25 to 105 - how does age affect your needs.

Do you have questions that you would like to have addressed? Do you feel like there is an unfair stereotype of single adults. Let me hear from you! Are you part of a group who would be willing to participate. Let me know!

Your Picture

I read an article in Reader's Digest last year that has stuck with me ever since. I can't remember the exact details of the article, mind you, but I do remember a concept from it. There was a single woman who had been in despair over things she wanted/needed in her life, but just didn't know how on earth she was ever going to reach them. She said in an interview that after battling with this despair and even depression, a friend had recommended that she go through old magazines and cut out pictures that fit the life she wanted for herself. She took the advice and put together a picture journal of sorts that included pictures of everything from a family, to a beautiful house to bedspreads to -well, you get the idea- and said that after making the journal, she prayed for the things in her pictures and found that over the course of the next year, she slowly began gaining those things in real life.

If you're a little skeptical over the picture thing, I was too. I understood the merit in really nailing down in your mind what you want or are looking for in life, but cutting out pictures from a magazine?

If you think the story ends there, I thought it would too. But, like I said, that article stuck with me. A few months later, I was going through a magazine and saw an ad that had this couple sitting on a front porch side by side. They weren't super-fantastic-drop-dead-gorgeous models. They didn't have the biggest, coolest, fanciest front porch ever. But they were smiling and I could just imagine them sitting there, talking about their day with each other. They weren't havin' a beer. They were drinking iced tea. There were a couple of potted tomatoes on the porch. And I thought - "boy, that is just exactly what I want, right there." And then I thought "......no one's looking.....what if I just cut this picture out and put it away....I mean, it's such a happy picture...." and I so I cut the picture out. Well, it didn't stop there. The more I looked through that magazine, the more happy little things I found to cut out and before I knew it, I had a pile of things - most were fairly insignificant details, but they did all fit into the big picture I wanted in my life - a happy, safe home, with a husband I was close to and trusted with my simple life with God.

It's probably been a year or more since I cut those pictures out but today, while I was sitting at my desk, thinking about a young man I'm dating, a flood of pictures came to my mind. Wanna guess what those pictures were? I don't even know where I put that pile of magazine clippings and I don't think I've looked at them since I cut them out, but they are suddenly flashing through my mind and as I think about each one, I make a comparison in my head. The things I'm trying to accomplish at work match that productive, and simple but useful pot of tomoatoes in one picture... This guy I'm dating....well, he's got the traits I'm looking for in a man to share life with. He could be the guy in the picture. And I'm sitting here startled at how those pictures that I cut out years ago are suddenly helping me make sense of a lot of new changes in my life. Those pictures, one way or another, are actually acting as a goal post, or a light house (or whatever analogy you want to use) or something for me to head for.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not at all trying to say that cutting out those pictures was some sort of magic that will bring me all the things I long for in my heart. Only God can do that and there is no substitute. In fact, if you desire God, then God will align all the desires in your heart with Him. What I am trying to say is that, you know, we really ought to think seriously about what it is in life we're looking for because if we don't, then we're liable not to recognize it when it comes. My pictures weren't much, but they turned out to be something to help me recognize things I've been looking for as they (or he) comes along. It's pretty exciting, really.

So, I know, you may not be putting much stock in this whole magazine picture thing. I know. It sounds silly and you're probably not going to read this blog entry and run over to the nearest magazine and begin clipping away. I know. I was the same way. But think about the picture of the life that you want. I dare you to put it on paper in one way or another. I think you'll be surprised at the clarity it will bring you, even if that clarity doesn't come until later down the road.

Latest Addition

I'm writing my latest edition on this blog about our latest additions (aren't I clever? :)).

First of all, there are some new links to new blogs under "Site Seeing." Some have a specific section geared toward singles, but most are just great Christian resources from what I've seen so far. Take a look and if you know of any that you think other readers might like to see, let us know. I just stumbled onto one of those sites - The Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood - today, and from what I've read so far, it's got some really incredible stuff. I went to the "resources" tab and searched through topics by key word. I looked under "Womanhood" and "Manhood" and "Marraige" and am still devouring the articles I see. There's a lot to look at.

Second, I'm slowly getting more blog site savvy and have just set up a system to organize blog postings. Over on the left there, you'll see a list of labels. Most of the articles on this site have been placed in a category so that now, if you've got a particular need, you can find what you're looking for. Now isn't that nice?