SPRING

I love spring! After months of being stuck in the house it is finally time to come out of hibernation. I look forward to waking up in the mornings. As I listen to the birds chirping, in the trees outside my window; I try to plan out the day. It is so nice to spend some time with God and get my priorities in order before my feet ever touch the floor.

In the evenings, I can sit on my front porch and listen to the crack of the bat and the cheering crowds, as the little league games take place just down the street.

Spring brings with it a renewal for my spirit.

This year I have the opportunity for another kind of renewal. Next weekend I am going to Glen Rose to a Single Adult Conference for the Central Texas District of the United Methodist Church. Some of the people I met in Arkansas last November but there will be many that I haven't met. I am looking forward to meeting new people and the time of healing for my soul and the comfort that comes with time spent alone with God (car ride from Abilene to Glen Rose and back). The added benefit is that there will be some flowers beginning to bloom and the grass will be green. A reminder, if you will, that each day is full of growth and new beginnings.

It hasn't been very many years ago that I would not have gone because I didn't have anyone to go with me. I am so glad that God has moved me to a point where at least on some levels I can enjoy the freedom of being alone and can enjoy the lack of schedule that provides.

Happy Spring Everyone!

Listening for the Whisper

I don't know about you guys, but the last two weeks have felt busier than the last seven months combined. It it weeks like this that make me think about Albert Einstein, who said that the only reason for time was so that everything didn't happen at once - and feel like I must be defying his theoretical laws. I feel like everything is happening at once. I feel like I have so much to do, that there's no time to even breathe. I go to bed and can't sleep because my mind won't stop running through an ever growing list of things I haven't gotten done yet or all of the things I have to do tomorrow. Single people, afterall, don't just take care of themselves. We also take care of the places live in (which includes figuring out exactly what to do about that faucet that is dripping yet again), we take care of the people around us, and we do it by ourselves. So we're busy, busy, busy.

Today I hit the point where I recognized that maybe I'm a little too busy. I've got a lot to do, alright, but I'm doing so much, all the time, and I'm worn out. My body tells me I'm worn out by insisting that I catch up on lost sleep at my desk at work. My mind tells me I'm worn out by losing that clarity I need to remember where to be when, and what to do when I get there. My soul tells me I'm worn out by pointing out that I don't feel God as strongly as I want to. I can't hear Him, because I'm so busy. I find myself asking - when can I just have a break? Why isn't God giving me a break? And the answer to those questions are up to me. It's not really the world that is making me run until I can't anymore. It's me. I'm the one who signs up for every charity that comes my way and I'm the one who takes work home with me. So it stands to reason that I should be the one who finally says I'm going to take time to put all of these busy things aside and I'm going to remind myself that God is right here in the midst of everything if I'll just listen.

So today I came in from teaching a bible class after work and instead of heading straight for my computer, I stepped out on my front porch and I just listened. I didn't start telling God about all of my problems or about how tired I am or how I wish He'd make that leaky faucet go away. I just listened. It's not as easy as it sounds, but if you try it, I think you'll be completely caught off guard at how good it feels, almost instantly. Physically feel God in your heart. Be still. Listen to the wind move around and through the trees around you or listen to the birds. Feel something stir in your heart that isn't in the form of words. Maybe it will just take you five minutes. Maybe you'll let God carry you for thirty minutes. Maybe an hour. The point is that you're putting all of that busy-ness, all of that noise, around you and inside of you, aside long enough to hear God whispering. When you go back to the world, you might be surprised at how suddenly, you can handle things better. I often leave my few minutes of listening with a renewed sense of courage to face what was so unbearable moments ago. That's God. Sometimes I leave my listening place with a plan on how to handle things that seemed unmanageable before. That's God. The whole world isn't my burden to take on. God's taking care of it. I know this, because today, when I turned my cell phone off, and left all of my noisy busy-ness in the house...

He whispered it to me.

"Be still and know that I am God." Psalms 46:10

His and Hers - Not Just for Towels

Drawing by Kim Beck

I'm experiencing quite a domino effect from chancing onto an article I posted about earlier (see To Settle or Not to Settle. That is the Question). In case you haven't read the article from http://www.boundless.org/, I'll give you a quick rundown. The author discusses what qualities a woman really ought to be looking for in a man (compared to what you think you should be looking for according to movies and TV and such) and lists the things she feels would truly make a man a good husband. Here's the list:

"A man must be a believer.
He must be able and willing to provide for his family.
He must love sacrificially.

He must be honest, have a good reputation and strive for the qualities of a spiritual leader. (See Acts 6:13, 1 Timothy 3:1-7 and Titus 1:6-9) "

You can read the comments that follow that blog to see what a few readers' initial reactions were, including my own. What I want to talk about here, though, is that after really thinking about that list and thinking about gender roles, I started to see that a lot of problems I've encountered in relationships can actually be tied to a blurring of the lines between what a man is supposed to be and what a woman is supposed to be.

Coincidentally, I've been reading a book that I'm thinking about using as curriculum for my middle school youth group called the dateable rules: a guide to the sexes . (ISBN 978-0-8007-5915-5, authors are Justin Lookadoo and Hayley DiMarco). It's geared toward middle school or high school kids, but what the authors have to say seems, ironically, revolutionary to me - they're trying to get guys and girls back to that place where men are expected to act like men and women are expected to act like women. After all, God did create man and woman differently, so that one of us can pick up where the other may not be as skilled, for example. The book has a section for boys and one for girls. For the girls, the authors tell readers not to cover up their "girlyness," because it's that "girlyness" that is actually attractive to men (it sounds so simple and yet so many women get caught up in trying to impress men by hiding any kind of "girlyness" - I know, because I've done it myself) and for girls to let the man be the man in the relationship. For guys, the authors say that it's time to be a man. It's time to take the lead, it's time to take responsibility. In other words, there are gender specific characteristics in your DNA, and it's there for a reason. Roles between genders are everywhere in the Bible and I think that deep down, if you really think about it, the idea of clear gender roles is actually more liberating than it is repressing. The book also, by the way, heavily stresses being completely honest in looking at yourself and at these gender roles. If you're not ready to look at yourself completely honestly, then you're not ready to read the book, and it's true.

So I'm taking this gender role thing to heart and am looking for other articles and other books about it. The more I learn, the more I think that gender roles make sense. They are completely changing how I look at other people and at myself, and the way we all relate to each other. I ask all of you to read the original article, really stop to think about what it is saying, and then stop to tell us what you think. Can clear gender roles be strengthening or are they archaic? Should there be defined "his and hers" places in our society?

Chasing Lions

Working at the Christian Book store gives me the opportunity to hear about many books, whether we sell them or not. It gives you an opportunity to get free book reviews. So after many requests for the book IN A PIT WITH A LION ON A SNOWY DAY by Mark Batterson, I went in search of the book.

On the back of the book is a question thatpeople have asking me often as of late. What if the life you really want and the future God wants for you, is hiding right now in your biggest problem, your worst failure.... your greatest fear?

The book is based on the scripture in II Samuel 23, where Benaiah chases a lion into a pit and then follows him into the pit. Benaiah kills the lion and climbs out of the pit. The book talks about the gut instinct when crossing paths with a lion is to run, to get as far away as possible. But Benaiah was a lion chaser. He didn't focus on why he shouldn't chase the lion nor did he look at the disadvantages of jumping into the pit.

While it would be uncommon to run across and actual lion, we all face lions everyday. Some of our fears and hurdles seem as large and as frightening as lions.
One of my lions has been singleness. If anyone had told me, when I divorced, that I would be single again for over 20 years, I don't know if I would have made the decision to leave. Looking at life alone is scary. It was at 25, 35 and 45. There are times when something happens at work and I long for someone to come home and share that with. A couple of months ago, I remember walking up to the front door of my house. As I put the key in the lock, I realized that tears were running down my face. The only thought I had at the time was, "I just don't want to go home alone again". This has been a long week with a lot of things happening and by this afternoon I just needed a hug. This isn't something that happens all the time or even often, but when it happens it is very real and painful. But the book made me think, what if the future God wants for me is hiding in my singleness. What if my singleness is a training camp for something better in the future. Maybe I should stop looking at the disadvantages of singleness and start looking for the silver lining of singleness.

At the end of Chapter 7 Mark says that a "willingness to fail is a prerequisite to success." Is your fear of failure keeping you from seizing opportunities?

Is our frustration with singleness keeping us from seizing opportunities that are unique to singles? What do you think?

To Settle or Not to Settle. That's the Question.

Now here's an interesting article that is bound to stir up some discussion. It's also on Boundless.org (the web-zine I referred to in the post about Martin Luther). It's about looking for "the one" and settling for "good enough." Surprisingly, it seems to me that the author is encouraging "settling." Read it for yourself and then post a comment - what are your thoughts on settling? Some of us are looking for "the one" and looking for some guidance on what "the one" really means - what do you think "settling" means and how does the article make you feel or think? Some of us have already married and are not any longer - did you settle or do you wish you had settled? Now's a great time to speak your mind or offer advice.

Here's the link to the article, (http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001699.cfm) and I am also going to add boundless.org to the link list over there to the left for anyone who wants to look around on the website more.

Lean Not on Your Own Understanding

In different conversations and posts on the blog, we've mentioned wondering if we're called to singleness and how a single person can do God's work. Well, I just found this article on a web-zine geared toward college-age folks, and it discusses Martin Luther as a single man (a monk, actually) and a woman named Kate (a nun) and both knew they would be single the rest of their lives and were committed to doing God's work. However, they ended up marrying each other and transformed the church as a married couple. It's an interesting story and a great example of how you can plan out and think you understand your life, but God may have other plans for you. Here's the link: http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001696.cfm?eafref=1

Blessing or Curse?

March 10th is a day of mixed emotions for me. Tomorrow will be my oldest sons 26th birthday. I am so proud of him and who he has turned out to be. Tomorrow will also be the 22nd anniversary of my ex-husband leaving. It was the most devastating day of my life. While the grief has long ago been worked through, there is still a certain amount of hurt that is still here.

There are two ways that I have looked at my divorce. At first it was the worst possible thing that could have happened. I had three pre-school aged childen and I was 25 years old. I was babysitting at home and that in no way would pay the bills on a monthly basis. Every aspect of my life had to change.

The kids dad did not see them regularly nor did he choose to pay child support. It was only years later that I could see that gifts that he did give to them. Because he did not see them on a set schedule, there was never a conflict for social or athletic events. They could be involved in as many things as they wanted and they could always participate. We didn't have a lot of luxury items but we did have all the things that we needed. They saw God work many times when there was nothing else but a miracle to explain how things worked out. They learned to deal with disappointment and they that sometimes people don't tell the truth. Both of these are lessons that prepared them for everyday life.

My kids knew, everyday, that they were loved! Not just by me but also by their extended family. They were respected by both their peers and their teachers. They were supported by Church and community members. Their Dad may have chosen not to be a part of their lives, and that is his loss, but that didn't stop them from graduating at the top of their class and going on the become contributing members of society. I also owe a great deal of gratitude to my bosses of 20 years. They allowed me to be a mom, first and foremost, they picked me up when I was down and loved me when I was the most unlovable.

We always have a choice to decide how we will look at our difficulties. We can see them as a blessing or a curse. Throughout the last 22 years I have learned to look for the blessings and realize that if we don't have any problems then we aren't in live for a miracle. GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME! Even when it is the hardest to recognize He is there loving us, we just have to look for Him.

Look Up

I'm rather proud of the title of this blog entry because it's got three different meanings all wrapped up into two words. I'm going to keep you in suspense for a minute though as I explain the thought process that brought me to it...

I've been thinking about needs that are unique to single adults and just now, one crossed my mind that I hadn't really thought about before. Whether you recognize it or not, we all watch and learn from the people around us. The problem, for me at least, is that I while I'm studying these role models, I tend to focus my studies on the people already in relationships. This means that at work, I'm watching and trying to relate to my coworkers' conversation about their kids being sick and I can't, so I end up frustrated and thinking my needs are selfish or shallow. When I watch TV, I'm comparing myself to people in relationships and then think I don't fit in with society in general because gosh darnit, it looks like everyone but me is married or in some other stretched and strained, but working relationship. Even at church, sometimes just seeing a older couple sitting next to each other makes me so lonely that I can't focus on the sermon, because I keep thinking that that's what a full life should look like and I don't have it.

It's fine to have married role models, of course, but does it make sense for all of the people you learn from to be living in a situation that doesn't match yours? I get a great deal of inspiration and motivation from quotes by people who made amazing changes in the world around them when the world said it was impossible, or from people who came from rural areas like me, or from people who simply overcame odds clearly marked against them and managed to survive and become influential leaders. I can relate to those folks because in one respect or another, they started with a story kind of like mine and have goals a lot like mine too.

Why aren't we looking for single adult role models? So I looked at some stats. Did you know that single adults really aren't a minority? Did you know that single adults, by the year 2003, actually made up nearly half of all households* in the U.S.? Think about all of the single adults that are out there that you can learn from and grow beside! And then, something I've always known resurfaced in my mind, but under a new light. Jesus himself was single, for crying out loud! What a role model! Here I am, wishing my coworkers could relate to having to cook supper, do laundry, figure out what that weird sound coming from my car is, or what that weird sound was at night, in the darkness, all alone, when the star of the Bible himself knows exactly what I'm going through (well, ok, so he probably didnt' have to take apart a dashboard, but I'd bet that maintaining a road weary donkey is just as frustrating). That's what Jesus was sent here for - so God could say "I can relate with you." What better person is there to learn from, study and grow with as a single person?

Then I got to thinking, you know, Jesus wasn't the only single person in the bible. There are more! In the Bible, God used single people as one of the strongest forces in His ministry to the world because single people can think about things besides other people at home (see 1 Corinthians 7:32-35). They can pick up and follow a calling (or a Caller). Single people can relate to people from so many backgrounds and situations. Suddenly, I don't feel so alone and I don't feel so out of place. I don't feel like my needs are superficial or unimportant because Jesus had the same ones. In fact, I'm starting to feel like my singleness is what makes me part of one huge, incredible, in-the-making-for-thousands-of-years story that has a purpose I can contribute to.

So, like I said, the title of this blog has got a three way meaning. Number one: We all need role models to look up to, to help ourselves grow in the right direction. Number two: All we have to do is look up to Jesus to find the perfect role model who knows exactly what we're going through. And Number three: Help me out. Let's look up more single people in the Bible. I know there are more. So I'm assigning you homework (I'm a teacher, I can do that). Find one and post a comment about him or her, so we can help each other. You might could even go the extra mile and tell us how you relate with that person you found.

Oh, and you might could throw in a note about how you have to admit it -that is one very efficient title. :)

*You can see for yourself at the Census Bureau. Here's the report. Look at page 14 if you don't wanto to sort through a lot of other stats.

Help Needed!

When you start working with a ministry, you usually formulate a plan based on a target audience. Everything that you do is directed toward that audience. The games you play, the lessons you teach, perhaps even the songs that you sing. It is simple really, you study that demographic and you learn as much as you can about the needs and desires of that group.

Single Adult Ministry is tough. In the last several years I have studied the demographic, only to learn that it is such a diverse demographic and the needs are so numerous and yet so different for the many facets of the single adult world.

First the age span varies from 18 up. Lets look at the different age groups and some of their variations. From 18 to about 22 or 24, the largest group are college students. For the most part, their needs are met in a college ministry. However, in that same age group, there are those who chose not to go to college, for whatever reason. Do they feel comfortable in a college ministry? Are their needs the same as those who are in school? Is the need for more hours at work to pay the bills the same as the need for more time to research a term paper? Both are real and both are important.

Then upon graduation from college, where do you go? Do you join an adult Sunday School class? Which one? You may be lucky and there may a young adult class. Do you fit in with the newly married and young families or does that just add to your loneliness on Sunday morning?

As you get older and start a career, where do you fit in with the Church? Everywhere else you are treated with respect and as a peer. At Church, you are not allowed to serve communion, that is reserved for couples. Maybe you are never asked to serve on a board or lead a ministry, even though you are the most qualified.

You have raised kids on your own and they are all leaving home. While everyone else in your Sunday School class is looking forward to time alone with their spouses and trips they always wanted to take but couldn't. You are looking at night after night of nothing to do. No one to talk over your day with and no one to share a meal with.

Another scenario, you have lived with someone for many years and yet suddenly you find yourself alone. The grief that you feel is overwhelming and the loneliness is almost unbearable. You are scared of the future. You never had to take care of the finances or the car or the upkeep of the house. What do you do first? Who do you turn to for help?


All of these are real issues for real people, who just happen to be single. The needs are so varied and so real, but where do we start to minister. We need your help to find out. Who are you and what do you need? We can't structure a ministry without knowing what the needs are! Help us out please!