If you’ve been keeping up with us on the blog for the last several weeks, you might sense some frustration. Maybe you’re frustrated, yourself. It would be ridiculous to say that singles don’t feel frustration with, well, being single. Sometimes singles fall through the cracks in the church and sometimes, just when they find their niche, the whole program falls through, for reasons we can’t control. It adds to the frustration that already exists for some of us that we are even single in the first place.
It’s times like this that make me read about people who have this extraordinary faith and hope, who turn to God when times get tough, who know that God has a purpose for their singleness and hard times and sometimes, I am encouraged by that. Other times, it actually just frustrates me more. I start to think that ‘you know, haven’t I been patient for years and years and years? Haven’t I heard the promise that God will answer the door if I come knocking? Haven’t I just about beat the darned door down with some of these prayers I have, only to wait longer and longer without feeling like they’ve been heard at all?’
If it makes you nervous to read this for fear of being struck down, well, imagine how I feel for even thinking any of it, much less saying it! I finally got so frustrated, that I didn’t want to read about those people in the bible with extraordinary faith anymore. They made me feel worse. And then I feel like I’m going to get struck down for feeling that way too. I’m not even comforted by the stories of Job, because all I can think about is how terrible it feels to feel afflicted by unanswered prayers with no understanding for them in sight. It only hurts more to read about Job. Here I am, supposed to be putting my hope in God, and all I can feel is that there’s just no use in getting my hopes up anymore when I’m going to have to come crashing down later.
Maybe you feel that way too. Or maybe it’s just me out here, knowing good and well that I’ve got to straighten up, without knowing how to do that. I’d look for somebody in the bible who felt the same way, but they just aren’t there.
Or are they?
If you’ve never looked at Psalms as more than the spot you get a few of your comforting verses from time to time, I invite you to look at it for what it is. They were written by David, a man who was promised to replace Saul as king of the Israelites. And Saul is none to happy about it, I might add. So here’s David, who’s been told by God that he’s going to soon rule Israel; he’s the one who’s going to save the Israelites. That’s got to be a little exciting, right? To know you’re the person who’s going to save people who need it desperately? How’s that for feeling like you finally know what your purpose is?! If it were me, I’d be loading up my mule and hitting the road, singing hallelujah that God has finally chosen to bless me like He said He would all along!
And then David realizes that Saul isn’t going to just fade into the background. In fact, Saul intends to kill him. Here David should be feasting away, eating and drinking and being merry, and instead, he is forced into hiding. Well, not even just hiding. He’s forced into running. And here is where the Psalms come in. Did you know that a lot of those verses were written from a cave? That’s right. David, future king of the Israelites, savior of a country of lost people, bloodline to Savior of the world, is hiding in a dark, cold and damp cave. No fluffy pillows to lie about on, probably not anything to eat, no one there to even tell him what’s going on at home, no one to let him know if it’s safe to come home or if there’s a band of Saul’s henchmen almost upon him. He’s got a strong faith in God, but even with that, things feel a little frustrating, if not entirely hopeless. Look at Psalms 40:8. “I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart.” That sounds like how I start a lot of my own prayers. Then he goes on to say that he does God’s work, he has faith in God and always has, he’s spread God’s word and lived just like he’s supposed to, and then David tells God that “troubles without number surround me . . . Be pleased, O Lord, to save me; O Lord, come quickly to help me. But may all those who seek you rejoice and be glad in you . . . Yet I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me. You are my help and my deliverer; O my God, do not delay.” Now I’m starting to sense some of that worrying frustration. But if you can’t see it there, look here: “Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?” In Psalm 6, David says he is worn out, his eyes are weak from sorrow, and in Psalm 13, he asks “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?” And if you read through a lot more of the Psalms, you see this theme over and over and over again.
Since I’m already in a good place for getting struck down, I might as well go on and say that in reading some of this, I’d found somebody who gets where I’m at. I’ve prayed a million prayers like these. I prayed a thousand times, “Lord, I’m trying to do everything you’ve asked me to do and I’m so thankful for the blessings you’ve already given me. I know there’s some I probably don’t even know about. But right now, I’m stuck in this awful cave all alone and I want Your will over mine, I really do, but God, I am begging you to save me. I’m begging you, not for patience like I probably should, but that You save me, and quick. I feel like You’ve forgotten me, even though You surely haven’t, but I don’t know what to do anymore and I’m exhausted from sorrow. Save me. I’m past asking for patience and strength and I know that you’ve promised so many blessings for me, but Lord, you’ve put hope for those things in my heart and then it feels like You’re not moving me toward them! I’m putting my trust in You! Can’t You hear me! How long must I be forgotten?”
I know I’m not supposed to be angry at how things have turned out in my life so far. I trust God, I really do. But I’m frustrated to a breaking point and there’s no use lying about it, because God knows what’s in my heart. I’d say that it’s wrong for me to feel this way, and I get frustrated with myself for falling short of what God is hoping I would I be. But I think that this time, God has sent me to open my Bible to read the words of someone who probably felt the same way. Something makes me think that maybe it’s ok to feel what I’m feeling for today. The important thing is that I keep the communication lines to God open in my heart, like David did. The important thing is for me not to let the devil whisper to me that I’ve failed completely and that there’s no hope for me, because there is. David climbed out of that cave eventually and I will too.
For now, we might be frustrated. Maybe even frustrated for being frustrated. Sometimes frustrating things happen to us and there’s just no understanding why. Now isn’t the time to give up on hoping and shut God out. Now isn’t the time to make yourself stop feeling what you’re feeling for fear of getting struck down. Believe me, if anybody was going to get struck down for frustration, I suspect I’d be the one to know about it. J
If you find yourself not knowing what to pray for anymore because of frustration, I suggest reading David’s words: “Put your hope in God . . . I will yet praise him.” (Psalms 42:5) “But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you.” (Psalms 39:7) Do you see that David, stuck in that hopelessly isolated cave, follows his frustration with asking the Lord where to look for hope? Do you see that David isn’t able to find that hope on his own anymore? David knew what blessings God had planned in the grand scheme of things for him and he didn’t doubt that God would follow through. He was just frustrated with the fact that he didn’t see how God would follow through. He didn’t want to change God’s timing if it was going to mess up the whole plan, but he needed some kind of a sign that give him hope that things really would be ok again. Asking for a sign doesn’t always mean that someone doubts God or is testing Him. In some cases, asking for a sign is a way of asking God to give you something to hope on, so that you can get through your cave. David did it: “Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love.” (Psalms 143:8)
If you feel like you’ve got nothing left to hope for, ask God to send you something to hope on. I did it, and you know something?
He did.
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3 comments:
Frustration has been a very active part of my last 20 plus years of being singe. Raising 3 kids to adulthood as a single parent meant a lot of frustration. Without that "methodist" church family, we would not have made it.
I have prayed continually over those last 20 years for God's guidance and wisdom. My greatest heart's desire is for that Christian mate that He wanted me to have. Often times I just wondered "am I just not good enough yet". Mostly, I just had to thank the good Lord that His time is perfect....., because my timing would have just messed things up. Praise the Lord that he understands my frustrations and loves me anyway..... I can't think it to death. I just have total faith that He is the one that knows me the best and knows what is best for me. (My heart does not always listen to my head, but I keep praying.)
Today my biggest frustration goes back to the "methodist" church family that I haved loved so much. I have been an active Methodist all of my life, but in the past few years I have found myself feeling that the message being sent is if I was a "good Methodist" I would not try to make changes in the way things "have always been done". If we don't make the changes needed to meet the changing world, we will close our doors. The "good methodist" seem to have developed a Us vs Them mentality as of late. It almost appears that being a "good methodist" is more important than being a christian. I'm at the point "if that is what being a good methodist is about, then I don't want to be one". For the first time in my 52 years I have thought about leaving the "methodist" church. I have not said those words out loud but it breaks my heart to think that is how I feel. Again, I can't "think" this to death, because I "feel" it to hard. I'm not sure that really makes sense to you, I just know that my heart feels broken right now in regards to the things I think and feel when I am around those "good methodist". I don't meet their standards. I don't think what they think and I have not let myself be manipulated to do so....so I don't meet their standards.
I have tried to always live life in a positive manner so please forgive the negativity. But I would rather be a "good christian" than a "good methodist".
Excellent post! You seemed to hit on almost all of my thoughts! It is comforting knowing that I am not only not alone in this, but that sometimes it is OK to feel this way.
While most of the time I am not, sometimes something happens that makes me frustrated with being single. This often leads to being frustrated with myself for being frustrated and not being content with who I am today. And often times this frustrating arises from seeing activities in the church designed for couples or families and not being able to participate. Or if you do, you feel out of place. I often times do not want to attend certain functions like church dinners because everyone eats with their family and I either have to eat by myself or feel awkward (even though I shouldn't) by joining a family, because my church has very few singles in it.
While for different reasons, I agree with anonymous is often feeling that I want to leave the UM church. My feelings often arise from the lack of community I feel in the church. While I can't say since I have always been single, I feel left out of community because I do not have a family and that the church is often focused on families with programs for children and families and very little for singles to participate in.
It is amazing, anonymous and I have a lot in common. I have also been single again for 20 plus years and raised 3 children to adulthood.
I don't know that I ever really felt the singleness until their very active high school days were over. Even then, there was always one of them living with me until about 4 years ago.
Most of the time I was asking God to send me a mate. Then when I decided that might not be His plan for me, I asked that he fill my life with worthwhile things to do. About that time is when the passion for Single Adult Ministry became part of my life. Now, I have 2 jobs, I serve on a civic board, I have my kids and in-laws and 2 grandbabies.
Last weekend, when I got off work, I was so thankful that I could just come home to my nice quiet house and rest. It's not an isolated feeling but one that I am experiencing more often, a peace with and a recognition of the blessing, of being single.
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