Uh...Seriously?

I should be getting my house ready for a big Christmas get-together tonight. I should be wrapping presents as if Christmas is three days away (okay, so it really is three days away...boy have I got work to do...). But instead, I am finally sitting in my favorite chair that's been calling my name for weeks now, with a cozy blanket, propping my feet up and flipping through channels to see what's on TV before I go to bed. And while I'm waiting for the weather man to tell me what kind of day tomorrow will be, I flip to the next channel, where I see "Mama's Boys," apparently the latest "reality" dating TV show. Now let's, just for a second, pretend that I can even stand those TV shows in the first place. I leave the TV on that particular channel, knowing fully well that I'm going to be so disgusted with it in mere minutes that I'm going to remember why I haven't watched night time television in ages.

In case you didn't catch what I think is the season premiere, let me just catch you up to speed. There's three guys and their Moms, and then a good twenty sparkling, jacked-up-on-nine-inch-heels women. I came in right in the middle of a date where dashing young man number 1 has taken out a woman who's shoes are real, but I'm guessing that not much else is. She's terrifyingly shallow and Mom thinks so too. "Huh." I think to myself. For once, there is someone on the show who actually tells the dashing young man that he's lost his blooming mind. Dashing man doesn't agree with Mom, though. And then, before I can change channel in response to realizing I'm wasting valuable sleep time to watch trash, I see another new twist that the TV folks have put onto their dating show. Instead of the traditional meeting of the twenty attention-hungry women and the man and then a brief naming of who gets to live to see another date, I hear the announcer say something that disturbs me to my core. "Ladies, as you know, you each get one cell phone and if one of these three dashing young gentlemen like you, they will text you "yes." If none of the three dashing young gentlemen like you, you will get the text "no."

What?

Getting accepted or dumped by text message?

Seriously? Are you kidding me?!

I know that everything I'm about to say is something you already know. I know that the face of dating is changing every day, but it's shows like this that are changing it for us. It would be one thing if this show was showing something brand new in the ever-growing field of ridiculousness, but the really sad part is that it isn't, and I'm frustrated. Call me old fashioned, but any man who dumps a girl by text message or email isn't a man at all, and that's exactly what I told the man to did that to me once...whoops sorry, this isn't about me, is it?

Well, wait a minute. Maybe this is about me. This is about what I will let our ever-changing culture tell me about how I'm supposed to be living as a single, dating adult. This is about what I will stand for and what I won't. It's about what I believe is godly and right. This is about sitting down and straightening out what I see around me constantly, and what I know, in my heart, to be what dating should really look like. (Bear with me, as this could take a while. I'm pretty riled up. :) )

1. Dating should be about finding someone you are going to spend your life with, not someone you just want to spend the night with, let's just get that one out in the open and out of the way. (mumble grumble.....I'm so sick of seeing.....mumble grumble......happens everywhere I look.....mumble grumble......doesn't anyone have standards anymore?......more grumbling)

2. I think that if a man or woman is going to start seriously considering someone as the afore-mentioned life partner, then both people involved should stop "shopping around." If you are going to tell a person you love them, then that is a committment and it shouldn't be taken so lightly that you can say it to at least three other people in the same week.

3. Men should act like godly men. That means that they don't invite the woman to spend the night with him in an expensive hotel room on that third date and they certainly don't rely on text messages or emails to say something important. A man ought to show enough respect that he can say what he needs to say in person. If he can't tell a woman that he's no longer interested, then he doesn't have enough respect for her or himself to be dating her in the first place. On a date, he should be demonstrating that he is capable and willing to support and protect his wife and kids (should kids enter the picture, that is). He should be showing that he is responsible, good at making decisions and willing to put others before himself. A woman's interest or skill in yachting really shouldn't be a deal breaker.

4. Women should act like godly women. That means that they don't accept that date to the hotel room or accept any disrespectful actions. It also means that she should handle herself with self respect. She should be showing that she is capable and willing to take care of a husband and kids (if they enter the picture). She should be showing that she can make good decisions and is willing to put others before herself. And I realize that physical appearences can play a role in developing chemistry between two people, but ladies, all you are doing when you reveal all but four square inches of your body is revealing that physical appearences are all you have to offer (and that they've been offered more than once.) Asking the man out, paying for your own meals on dates, doing the follow up calls and having to rely on text messages or emails to know where you stand with a man really should be a deal breaker. (You can trust me on this one. I learned it the hard way... More times than I prefer to admit, actually.)

5. You know, I don't really think that rushing right out with "I think you're the one" is really that great of an idea. I think that letting the person you're dating know that you continue to be interested in them is appropriate, even necessary, but rushing into things, in most cases, isn't going to do anything but throw getting-to-know a person into a premature relationship that really hasn't had the chance to develop into a strong bond between two responsible adults.

6. Ever notice how when those people on TV are getting to know one another that they'll ask each other about travel, about music, about food, about skiing - everything except whether or not they share a belief in God? If that conversation itself doesn't come up on the first several dates, then I think that the answers to those sorts of questions should at least be very obvious in the way the person handles him or herself. It should be clear in the stories he tells about himself, or in the way she talks. And if the conversation does come up, then it should be clear that the person lives what he believes and doesn't just talk a good talk. (Learned that one the hard way, too.)

7. I think that a family's opinion of a potential spouse is very important, but I don't think that it belongs in the first date. I think that an adult should be able to make pretty good character decisions without Mom telling him what he needs to be thinking. On the other side of the coin, I also think that you shouldn't date someone if you automatically know that there's no way you'd ever bring that person out to meet your family. If you know you can't "bring them home," then that should be saying something to you, and it should be saying it loud and obnoxiously.

8. While that first date might, bless your heart, have told you to mark another person off the list, it's probably not enough to tell you to seal the deal. I think I've seen the whole love-at-first-sight thing so many times on television and in movies that I've started thinking that I should be feeling that kind of clarity on a first, or second or eleventh date. Instead, what I'm having to reteach myself is that if I'm not feeling that kind of clarity, it doesn't mean that I'm never going to find "the one." What it means is that I'm trying to see every side to a person that he's got before I make a decision that I will live with for the rest of my life. If a person can learn to fly an airplane in less than six months, doesn't it makes sense that choosing a spouse to live with for each and every day of the rest of my life might take a little longer than a television season? Dating should be a process handled with care. Dating should be have its fun and romantic moments, but it should be handled seriously, too. Dating, above all, should be dating-

Not reality television.