His and Hers - Not Just for Towels

Drawing by Kim Beck

I'm experiencing quite a domino effect from chancing onto an article I posted about earlier (see To Settle or Not to Settle. That is the Question). In case you haven't read the article from http://www.boundless.org/, I'll give you a quick rundown. The author discusses what qualities a woman really ought to be looking for in a man (compared to what you think you should be looking for according to movies and TV and such) and lists the things she feels would truly make a man a good husband. Here's the list:

"A man must be a believer.
He must be able and willing to provide for his family.
He must love sacrificially.

He must be honest, have a good reputation and strive for the qualities of a spiritual leader. (See Acts 6:13, 1 Timothy 3:1-7 and Titus 1:6-9) "

You can read the comments that follow that blog to see what a few readers' initial reactions were, including my own. What I want to talk about here, though, is that after really thinking about that list and thinking about gender roles, I started to see that a lot of problems I've encountered in relationships can actually be tied to a blurring of the lines between what a man is supposed to be and what a woman is supposed to be.

Coincidentally, I've been reading a book that I'm thinking about using as curriculum for my middle school youth group called the dateable rules: a guide to the sexes . (ISBN 978-0-8007-5915-5, authors are Justin Lookadoo and Hayley DiMarco). It's geared toward middle school or high school kids, but what the authors have to say seems, ironically, revolutionary to me - they're trying to get guys and girls back to that place where men are expected to act like men and women are expected to act like women. After all, God did create man and woman differently, so that one of us can pick up where the other may not be as skilled, for example. The book has a section for boys and one for girls. For the girls, the authors tell readers not to cover up their "girlyness," because it's that "girlyness" that is actually attractive to men (it sounds so simple and yet so many women get caught up in trying to impress men by hiding any kind of "girlyness" - I know, because I've done it myself) and for girls to let the man be the man in the relationship. For guys, the authors say that it's time to be a man. It's time to take the lead, it's time to take responsibility. In other words, there are gender specific characteristics in your DNA, and it's there for a reason. Roles between genders are everywhere in the Bible and I think that deep down, if you really think about it, the idea of clear gender roles is actually more liberating than it is repressing. The book also, by the way, heavily stresses being completely honest in looking at yourself and at these gender roles. If you're not ready to look at yourself completely honestly, then you're not ready to read the book, and it's true.

So I'm taking this gender role thing to heart and am looking for other articles and other books about it. The more I learn, the more I think that gender roles make sense. They are completely changing how I look at other people and at myself, and the way we all relate to each other. I ask all of you to read the original article, really stop to think about what it is saying, and then stop to tell us what you think. Can clear gender roles be strengthening or are they archaic? Should there be defined "his and hers" places in our society?